I often hear statements like, “I’m lonely and I want a relationship.” Feeling lonely and desiring companionship is entirely natural. It’s fine to seek a relationship, as long as you stay honest with yourself about what this person truly means to you. The problem arises when loneliness drives us to settle for less than we deserve, leading us to overlook behaviors and patterns that are unhealthy.
Many people fall into the pattern of a relationship by default, without consciously deciding to be with that person. This happens when we let circumstances dictate our relationships rather than making intentional choices. We can develop feelings for someone simply by spending a lot of time with them. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you just keep going out with someone, not putting on the brakes, and suddenly, you’ve been with them for a year? Some call this “going with the flow,” but in reality, it might just be avoiding the work needed to decide if this person is truly right for you.
Default relationships happen all the time. You stay with someone because they are there, not because they are the right fit for you. In the end, you’ll feel the impact of that non-decision. A relationship built on convenience rather than compatibility can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and regret.
Think about your life and relationships. What parts are you allowing to continue without conscious thought or decisions? Consider these questions:
- What are you avoiding looking at?
- Are you afraid of being lonely again?
- Is part of this default relationship driven by fear of not finding someone better?
- Do you feel that being chronically unhappy in a relationship is better than being unhappy and single?
It’s crucial to examine these questions and reflect on your relationship choices. Often, the fear of being alone can cloud our judgment, leading us to settle for relationships that do not serve our best interests. We might convince ourselves that a flawed relationship is better than no relationship at all. However, this mindset can trap us in cycles of unhappiness and prevent us from finding true fulfillment.
This is the season for new romances, dating, rekindling old flames, and sometimes, breakups. It’s also the time of year when people most often overlook red flags. With the excitement of new beginnings and the pressure of societal expectations, we might ignore warning signs that we would otherwise notice. Staying aware and making conscious choices is essential for your happiness and well-being.
When entering a new relationship, take the time to assess your feelings and the other person’s behavior. Are they respectful and considerate? Do they align with your values and goals? Are you both on the same page about what you want from the relationship? These questions are vital in determining whether the relationship is healthy and worth pursuing. This is called conscious dating.
Additionally, consider your own needs and boundaries. Are you compromising too much of yourself to make the relationship work? Are you afraid to speak up about your concerns or desires? Conscious relationships are built on mutual respect, open communication, and a willingness to grow together. If these elements are missing, it might be worth reevaluating the relationship.
While no one is perfect, it’s important not to let this truth blind us to significant issues in our relationships. Loneliness can drive us to make hasty decisions, but it’s crucial to stay honest with ourselves and make conscious choices. Reflect on your relationships, assess their health, and ensure that you are not settling for less than you deserve. Your happiness and well-being should always be a priority.