I’ve spent decades questioning relationships and the action that we seem to have that are automatic, the ones we think are natural. How we navigate relationships can feel “normal” as in that is just what we do. But, are those actions really what’s best for us? Most often not. They usually stem from pasted-down belief systems that came from dysfunction in a period of time when it seemed the best way to survive. To fit into the social norm in order to avoid ridicule.
We were conditioned to believe this story
Eons later, they don’t work so well. Times have changed and women are less worried about surviving and more about thriving and having a fulfilling relationship. Still, those automatic responses remain embedded in our psyche.
This time of year, many women feel this urge to partner up. Many don’t even realize it. They just feel like having someone for the holidays. Often, setting aside their genuine needs to cuddle up by the fire and have romance.
There is no problem with this urge or having someone to spend the holidays with, it’s when things get ugly after the holidays and we realize we’re with someone we wouldn’t be happy with. The romance in the air is gone.
Keep your head on and look at reality
I really want to stress the importance of doing inventory all along during the entire relationship as fun as it is, it can be very heartbreaking to have our hearts broken during a time close to Valentine’s Day.
It’s almost like we are in a cloud of euphoria during the beginning stages of cuffing season. Then the cloud clears and we wonder how we got to this point.
Don’t ignore the red flags
Like all relationships, there is the honeymoon stage. The place where we are likely ignoring red flags and thinking it will work itself out because of “love”.
In my experience, the holidays can heighten that sense of temporary blindness. It is because historically it’s been a covert message we’ve been taught that it’s shameful to be alone during the holidays.
I’ve felt this powerful urge to couple up during the holidays and I’ve been broken up with days before Valentine’s Day due to cuffing. I’ve also taken the time to really sit with why I felt this seemingly innate urge to couple.
It’s because for an unknown reason, I felt shameful not to have a man during the holidays. It snuck up on me with innuendos of “Oh! I’m sorry to hear that” or the quick change of the subject when they find out you are uncoupled.
It might not have even been the tone of their voice or the body language that would set me into a sense of urgency to couple. It could have been the holiday songs playing on the radio. The songs that suggest it. Maybe it was the women bragging about having such amazing times with their new man during the holidays.
It happens subconsciously
Whatever sets me off, happens subconsciously, and I’m not even aware of it. Until I became more conscious of that feeling and catch it.
Allow yourself to have a ton of fun and romance and keep your mind and heart clear on what you want long term and understand that it might be a short-term relationship. Don’t let the fireworks hook you into love and commitment when it hasn’t been discussed and vet him. Put the issues in a basket and look at them later when you are not having so much fun and your mind is clear. This is how you protect your heart. This is how you practice self-love.
If this article resonates with you and you would like to know more, contact me for a free Get to Know Me Session.
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