I usually don’t write about how to become a better lover because it’s something that usually shows up after we’ve done sessions. Often, it’s there waiting for them.
However, since someone asked me to write it, here is my take on it.
You become a better lover when you let go of your stories around yourself and your partner. It happens automatically. This is because you feel freer. When we feel freer to express ourselves, our passion arises.
Here are 10 ways to become a better partner.
- Ask questions of your partner to what they really love and what they have boundaries on.
- Tell them what you desire and if there is a way if they aren’t compatible, it can be met in the middle
- Listen carefully! This isn’t a project that needs to have a prize at the end. It’s getting to know your lover
- Respect boundaries
- Find ways to turn your partner on long before sex
- Respect your partner above all else
- Use play to find erogenous parts on your partner
- Talk after sex – pillow talk and lovingly express how it felt
- Give positive feedback
- Gently give clues as to what isn’t pleasant during sex. “Umm, baby could you do it this way?”. “I like this better”.
Remember that the goal is to create more intimacy and more trust. It’s not a porn film you are making, so you don’t have to make it all about function and end result.
It’s making love and expressing it in a multitude of ways. It’s like reading a juicy book. You can’t wait to get to the next chapter.
Start by being curious and open. Understand that it’s a process and one that can get better and better. If you stay focused on building and creating novelty, you’ll last a lot longer and the passion will be less likely to fade.
If becoming a better lover is something you’d like to discuss more, schedule a free Get to Know Me Session.