This is an awesome question. How to earn her trust back? I have a few suggestions. The best person to ask is the person you are working to gain their trust back.
Trust is Earned When Actions Match Words.
- Keep tabs on your actions matching words. She will also. If you cannot keep your agreement, then tell her you can’t and why. She might not like it, but she will respect you for it.
- Understand that they will be questioning you to gain their footing again, try not to get agitated.
- Be honest with everything. If sje detects dishonesty she will sense it and continue to mistrust
- Own your shit. If you aren’t completely honest go back and tell her you realized you weren’t completely honest.
- Journal and do a worksheet and be brutally honest with yourself as to why you broke her trust. Discuss it.
The thing to keep in mind when working to earn someone’s trust back is that she is allowed to feel how she feels, betrayed. They heal on their own and what you can do is show earnest effort and accountability. If you cannot do that, then it’s best, to be honest, and part ways if need be.
It causes unnecessary trauma and pain when it is a perpetual cycle of gaining trust and then betrayal. It won’t get any better until things shift. Though people often “forget it” temporarily it will come roaring back when it happens again. That will be a continual cycle of toxic behaviors.
It’s a great opportunity to clean out the closet. For both of you to get real about the relationship and where it is going.
If you know you lied and or betrayed the best thing you can do is humble yourself and put down defenses. If there was miscommunication involved, then do the Pause Your Way to a Powerful Relationship Worksheet and get calm, clear, and centered before addressing it.
It’s not easy if you are truly devoted to getting things back to a trusting relationship and it is ongoing. It’s not a one-and-done. If you are just wanting a temporary fix to make her ok, for now, I don’t have that answer for you.
To have a conscious relationship is to work inward to outward. As soon as you start unraveling why you did it or why it happened the sooner you will have a shift. It will build upward to a more authentic relationship.
If you have an interest in learning more about how trust in earned, check out my ebook The Awakening.
Photo by Ben White