Everyone is looking at toxic relationships and yet no one is acknowledging the covert ways in which you are feeling he’s toxic.
Overt toxic behavior is easier to notice.
Why do I say this? Because often our minds don’t pick up on it strong enough to walk away. We are confused. That confusion comes from mixed signals. It often keeps us ’trying to figure it out” and therefore we stay. We stay because we are not trusting ourselves. We think “Maybe I am taking it wrong”.
The body keeps score
Toxic relationships often start with slight incidents that we only feel in our bodies. We often feel that it’s just us and not them.
If we tell someone, they’ll usually say something to brush off the action and tell us we are nitpicking. Then we feel guilt. After all, he does great things too.
Something brought you here. Something has you questioning the relationship. If you can’t put your finger on it, sit with these few signs and see if you can pinpoint it.
Here are some ways in which you might feel it’s toxic.
* Confusion – you stay in the relationship because you are confused if the relationship is healthy or toxic
* Reactions as if what you are saying is over the top – Geez! Calm down!
* Covert power play or control – Covertly trying to get their way over little things like movies.
* Financial manipulation or stealing – I’ve lost my wallet I can’t pay for dinner.
* Intermitted criticism disguised as a joke – You can’t take a joke! I was just teasing you.
* Micro-aggression – Sexual acts are a bit too rough and you say ouch and they act like it’s no big deal.
Confusion is the first sign of a toxic relationship. It means our logic is not always present because we are getting mixed signals. While our logical mind is busy trying to figure it out, we miss other signals.
Listen to the body. If you get signals, even if quick, that feel bad, look at it. Trust it! Don’t bypass it with positive thoughts or think maybe you are mistaken. If you are mistaken, it’s better than ignoring toxic behavior.
Covert behavior is very toxic. It can often drive one crazy because of the mixed signals. The words being said are ok (often questionable as to the meaning), but why does it feel so bad? It’s because we pick up on the toxic messages in our nervous system. Possibly it is a familiar pain we’ve had. Again, it is most important to listen to your body when it says something isn’t right!!
Remember, their behavior isn’t a reflection of who you are. Even the most intelligent, secure women often get caught up in covert toxic relationships. It’s important that you catch it as soon as you can.
If you would like to discover more about covert toxic relationships, schedule a Get to Know Me Session.
Photo by Andre Styles