This is a subject that I have tested out myself. The difference in submissive vs feminine. At times they intertwine, but for me, there is a vast difference.
In relationships, many use the terms Dom (Dominant) or Sub (Submissive) these terms are taken from the BDSM community and it’s mostly sexual in nature.
In a masculine/feminine energy relationship, there is a dominant one most of the time. The feminine role is the receiving role. However, that switches when we are in different roles. For instance, women might become the dominant one when mothering the child/children. This is often the case when the parenting styles have not been communicated clearly and agreed upon.
If the parenting style has been agreed upon and both parents are on the same page as to the method, then both parents can often caretake close to the same.
However, in romantic relationships, the agreed-upon energy roles can be distinct. Not always, but they can be. Sometimes it’s the lack of clear roles that can cause issues.
When women say they need to be more submissive, I wonder what they mean by submissive.. In the masculine/ feminine energy roles, the feminine is not necessarily “submissive”.
She is receiving. She can communicate her boundaries or dislike for a man’s choice and it’s not submissive. It’s just that he is leading the relationship with his masculine role (and the roles can be reversed) however, she is communicating what she is willing to accept.
True submissive in the true sense of the term takes orders and just does what she is asked or told to do. The definition of the submissive is: Ready to conform to the authority or the will of others; meekly obedient or passive.
The feminine energy has a say, she has the choice to follow his lead or not. She (or he) can express it in a way that is clearly understood by the masculine energy man (or woman).
It’s important to understand the difference between submissive and feminine.
For instance, when using conscious communication early in the relationship the couple, usually after a commitment is made, can begin to agree to roles. Most often these roles have naturally occurred long before the commitment.
If she has the last say in the child’s care and education, then she would make the final decision. If he has the last say in the planning of trips in the car, then he is in charge of the route and timing of the trip. Perhaps, he is in charge of the finances and investing, he would have the last say in that department. However, if she has an issue with the decision that he makes, she does communicate the boundary or the non-acceptance of the choices he makes. Then the discussion would begin. In the end, one will have to have the final say.
True healthy masculine men at times take their feminine woman’s needs and place them above his own.
If she was truly submissive, then she would just have to do what he said regardless.
I like to use ballroom dancing as an example. If the man is leading in ballroom dancing, then he plans the moves in advance and leads her in the direction of the steps. However, just because she is following doesn’t mean she can’t stop dancing if she doesn’t like the direction of where he is taking her.
It’s a dance in relationships. Whether you are in masculine/feminine roles or an androgynes role (which is both doing the masculine/feminine roles and switching and more focus on equality).
I want to be clear, there is equality in the masculine/feminine roles, it’s just taking on a more prominent role that feels best to you.
In an androgynes relationship, there is no prominent role.
Many women like the more feminine role as it is more of a role of less dominant in certain areas and more inviting and receiving. Other women, love to pursue a man and want the dominant role in the masculine energy. She would look for a more feminine energy man.
I’ve researched it and tried it out and made the choice that is best for me.
Over a decade of researching the masculine/ feminine role, I came to the decision for myself that the feminine role suits me best. Being in Masculine energy role drains me. I’m more of who I am naturally in the feminine energy role.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t have masculine energy in some of my roles in the relationship. It just means I’m more in my feminine energy most of the time.
This means I have to be in a relationship with a more masculine energy man. Which means someone I can respect and look up to as well as a man I can trust to lead the relationship by taking into consideration my needs and desires. However, I can and do express my feelings on the matter and carefully choose my battles. If it isn’t important enough to have my say, then I don’t.
This is clearly not submissive at all It’s not oppressive or passive. It’s just a more subdued mannerism and conscious choice I make in my relationship with my masculine man. As masculine energy, men turn me on. That’s what keeps me interested and thriving.
If you would like more clarity on being submissive or feminine and you would like to explore this more, contact me for an Intro into Awakening Session.
Photo by Rafaella Mendes Diniz