There was a post recently on a women’s group about if women didn’t have sex with men until they were monogamous, cheating would stop.
No, It wouldn’t!
Here is why. Good men cheat! They do! I know men that have. They are good men in other areas and some have good wives. These men can be great fathers, friends, husbands, and community leaders, but they still cheat. I’ve talked to many of them.
This idea is based on a systemic belief that men who are cheaters are bad men. They are unhappy men. Studies show differently!
People, men, and women, can still cheat when in a happy relationship. It isn’t always based on unhappiness.
We have ideas about what cheaters are and aren’t. These stories are false.
I’ve known some great men and they still cheated. A couple of them took solo trips once a year and cheated and their wives would never know. They told me because they knew I would not tell anyone.
This idea that if we, as women, start standing up for ourselves and holding boundaries, men will stop cheating is a great fantasy that makes us feel empowered, but it isn’t true.
Men who have incredibly beautiful women who are loyal and loving, still cheat.
I’ve heard so many times in my dating life “It never occurred to me to cheat when I was married” yet it happened. It happened because either they’re just saying the words to hook you or they have since changed. Just because they didn’t, doesn’t mean they are still that way.
These men over and over again, want to hook you with words. Many women fall for words. There is no foolproof way to know.
The true test is actions. If you want to prevent cheating, you have to be aware and pay attention.
Don’t say “I’ll trust you until you prove me wrong”. That is lazy.
I don’t say that! I tell them I will and do check.
Trust like this is earned. Even when you check, you might not find out immediately. Dating apps are geared to hide profiles and make it easy to cheat. Some even promote it.
Putting off having sex until you are in an exclusive relationship is helpful, but it isn’t the cure. A cheater will cheat!
You have to let the men know that their actions matching their words are what will gain your trust. You just don’t offer up things on a silver platter without the effort it takes to gain it. You set yourself up.
You can absolutely be in a great relationship and notice the signs. Love doesn’t have to be blind.
Men who are truly loyal and would not cheat will be congruent with their words and actions. They will be open and honest.
The biggest tool is your intuition! You have to be quiet, clear, and ready to hear it for it to work.
If you fear the answer it won’t tell you.
Going around fearing he will cheat is not the answer. You have to know your worth, stay strong in it, and know what your response will be when or if you find out. If you find out.
Don’t be mistrusting. That doesn’t work. Trust yourself to know when you see signs of it and you check and you wait for the answer to surface. You let them know that your trust is something to be earned, not just given away freely.
You have to have strong boundaries. Is this a deal breaker, if so what will you do?
Pay attention to these stories that society tells you about what a cheater looks like. He can very well be a good man and still cheat. We can’t profile a cheater they come in all shapes, sizes, socioeconomic status, and personalities.
Drop your story about what a cheater looks like because it can keep you from noticing one that doesn’t fit that profile. Trust your intuition!
If you need support around how to hold boundaries in relationships contact me for an Intro into Awakening Session.