Do you have strong NO’s, but then when someone comes in and softly talks you into it, you give in?
Some women can’t say no, so they just go ahead, let it happen, and consent to it. Others have NO’s and boundaries, but they will cave in if pushed enough.
In a perfect world, people would take the NO the first time. Then it would be easier. Many do not respect boundaries and have learned how to gently get other’s boundaries down until they’re gone. I’ve been on that end of it where if they kept persisting, I’d let down my boundary.
The issue here is that you are giving really good info to this person. You are showing them you can be manipulated and you are telling them you don’t have strong boundaries and they can get past it. That way they get what they want and learn more and more about how to manipulate you. Each time you might give in sooner.
This isn’t around just sex but often it is about sex. It can be around any issue.
If you notice that you are feeling awful after and you don’t know why, take time to consider that your boundaries went down and that is why you feel so bad. Some part of you hasn’t learned to hold boundaries firm enough and long enough. You possibly feel bad because you, at some level, feel manipulated.
It’s like a chess game. It can be a fun challenge for someone to push the boundaries to see if they can get past them.
Practice holding those boundaries solid. Notice when you don’t and start again.Once you build the muscle it will become automatic.