There are constant behaviors that conscious couples have that help deepen the relationship. They might not even know that they are doing it. They work together on the relationship, but they also work on themselves separately. The relationship is an entity itself. These 5 things create lasting relationships.
- Self Reflection
- Having the hard conversations
- Pausing when things get heated
- Owning their part
- Using triggers to grow the relationship
It’s important to know yourself and to continue to get to know yourself in life and in relationships. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you let yourself go. Losing yourself is a quick way to drive the relationship down into trouble.
As Esther Perel says distance (the right amount) creates desire. Taking time alone can have a positive impact on your relationship. There is a sweet spot where you have enough time alone to self-reflect and be with yourself and meet that need. We can’t know ourselves if we do not spend time with ourselves. We have a certain glow, a shining we exude.
This can be with your partner or apart in a separate room. It can be out biking, hiking, or a hobby. I’ve done this in the car with my partner where I just was quiet and went inward, contemplated on things. I can do it when I’m cleaning out a closet (cleaning is very therapeutic for me). It can also be journaling, meditating or being alone on the deck listening to nature.
In order to really be present in your relationship and communicate your needs and desires, you first have to know what they are.
Having the hard conversations
Having hard conversations. Do you know the conversations that you feel tense about in your body? The ones you find other things to do rather than to begin the conversation. Maybe you change the subject. Possibly you find ways to discuss it, but not really address the issue? Again, have the hard conversations.
Pausing when things get heated
This one takes practice. It’s a process. It might not be the easiest thing to do when you are upset, fearful, or hurt.
This is the one thing that can change a disagreement right away. Just taking a quick breath and pause can reset your brain from where it was going to a place of where you really want to go with the conversation.
Owning your part
One of the issues consistently showing up in troubled relationships is blame. Not accepting your part in the situation. Not being able to see that you, too, might have done things to contribute. This isn’t 100% all the time, but when we do it when we are partially responsible, then we develop trust. Our partners will be more open to doing the same.
Using triggers to grow the relationship
We all get triggered from time to time. Social media offers a great opportunity to get triggered. So does our partner. Our partners don’t have to do anything purposefully to trigger us, but it will happen anyway. This is the mirror of relationships. Using those triggers to grow ourselves and to also grow the relationship. Often, triggers are used against our partners.
Want to know how to do all 5?
In my Ebook, The Awakening I explain how conscious couples relate in relationships. I explain how we get into unconscious relationships and how you can start turning your relationship around quickly with just a few changes.
Join our Conscious Relationships Facebook group to discuss this and more on relationships.
Photo by “My Life Through A Lens”