Ladies, single moms are hot on the dating scene. I know this to be true. Back when my daughter was younger, I couldn’t keep up with the men interested. I went on “meet and greet” dates for coffee with at least 100 guys over a 2-3 year period. It felt good to be in such high demand. However, it is not about just being popular and sought after. There are things you should know when dating for the long term.
“91% of Americans say they would have no issue dating a single parent.”
Though popular and easy to get dates, here are six things to be aware of:
- Look for signs he might be a peter pan type. Single moms are responsible and usually have a lot on their plate. Men who want to be taken care of, look for women skilled in nurturing and caring for others. Sometimes they even take on a co-dependent role.
- Look for emotional intelligence. This goes along with being peter pan, where they don’t want to grow up, but also how they handle themselves during stress and discomfort. Single Moms know that, eventually, the kids might be a handful. Can he handle it? Will it cause conflict between you two?
- What are his ideals of parenting? This is very important, as I’ve had this struggle as well. Months down the road, I would discover his parenting was hands-off, and mine was hands-on. I didn’t just give them money to buy what they wanted to keep them peaceful. You must know what style of parenting they believe in.
- Decide when you introduce your child or children to the man you are dating. Some say the earlier, the better to see if your kids even like the man you are dating or if he likes your kids. Some say to wait until you’re sure. Be careful of the honeymoon stage, where you think they are “the one” too early. Later you’ve bet on it, and things might get sticky when breaking it off.
- Make sure that the man you are dating is serious about the relationship. This can be hard. Getting involved in a casual relationship can be done, but you have to be clear about the boundaries since you have kids – like no spontaneous dates or sex. Let them know when you are free.
- Be upfront about your relationship with your ex. Be transparent so that the man you are dating doesn’t wonder if any lingering feelings are left. I introduced my child’s father to my ex so he could see that there were zero feelings left and he had nothing to worry about.
Single moms have a lot on their plate. Choose a man that gets that. Choose a man that can dive in when necessary and help out. I learned this one the hard way. I was in a whirlwind and didn’t notice that he added to my plate instead of helping out. Given that many single moms over-function, the thing to be most aware of is if you are over-functioning and not even realizing it. When we over-function, we can avoid many signals that later come to the surface and cause major issues.
Having fun is important as a single mom. Putting on your sexy and being a woman from time to time. Learn to relax and have fun, but also keep that basket handy to put your concerns in to look at later. Remember to look at them later. Getting caught up with love bombing and other tactics can lead to emotional dysregulation later on. Taking care of yourself, and having time for yourself, is extremely important so that you can really see any concerns and then face them. Chances are you’re more aware than you think. Being too busy keeps you from paying attention to the signs.
Maybe you have to space the time you see each other out to get a clearer view of things and not get so caught up. You want a man that is ok with that. Rushing the dates and competing with your time is a bad sign. Relax and take your time to get to know how this man fits into your life. Enjoy the elation, but don’t leave your critical thinking behind.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed with being a single mom and dating and this resonates with you, let’s chat. Get to Know Me session is 30 mins free.
Photo by Sai De Silva