Single again? Not sure what to do? Through my many years of dating and talking to hundreds of women about their experiences with online dating, these are the 4 habits you need to break before jumping into online dating sites.
- Don’t go by appearance only
- Keep in mind, always, your goals for a relationship
- Be curious and nonjudgmental based on shallow facts
- Learn to read between the lines when it comes to profiles
Don’t go by appearance only. This is a huge one because with profile pics and catfishing you don’t want to get caught up feeling tingly over a photo. Watch what you do when you see a hot, sexy, fit man vs what you do when you see a man that isn’t all that. Do you chase the hot men? How do you respond differently? Dating is a journey. It’s a learning experience. Take mental notes so that you can better refine your non-negotiables and your perfect fit.
Keep in mind always your goals for a relationship. This means don’t get caught up in someone wanting a hook-up if you want an exclusive, committed relationship. Avoid getting caught up in “ Well, maybe he’ll change once we meet”. Men usually are very clear on what they want and it’s not your job to change their minds.
Be curious and non-judgmental based on shallow facts. This means staying curious about who he is rather than what he is wearing. I know this is a tough one. I’ve struggled too. Look for the kind of man he is in real life. Does he fit your long-term desires? Is he honest and loyal rather than well-dressed and groomed? Does he communicate well and show you he cares rather than saying all the right things?
Learn to read between the lines when it comes to profiles. This is a big one. Actually, read all of the profiles with discernment. Not a hopeful mind. When we get caught up in possibilities, we often miss red flags. If you don’t like smokers and you know it grosses you out, then don’t date a man that is sexy as hell and he smokes occasionally. This goes along with #2 stay true to what you know you want when you are not caught up in chemistry.
Above all else, know yourself. Know what you want and what your partner’s attributes should be and keep in mind that what you see is what you get. They might not change. Look for a man that you can accept as is. Just like you would want him to accept you as is.
Dating is for you. To know yourself more, to feel good about yourself, to explore, and become confident. It’s not an end result. Relationships take work, just like dating. Have fun while your vetting these men. Be true to yourself.
If you would like support on jumping back into dating, contact me for a Free Get to Know Me session