Men that respect boundaries are honorable men. They just are! Heartbreak is a story we tell ourselves. In reality, it isn’t true. Though painful, our hearts are grieving loss and not broken. It does not excuse disrespecting boundaries. It doesn’t excuse unacceptable behavior. Men that respect boundaries are men that women can respect.
I had the unfortunate experience of being entangled in a mess of drama because of a man not listening to our conversations of what cheating was to each of us as we discussed boundaries early in the dating relationship. We made agreements during that conversation.
One thing many people don’t realize is not asking questions or listening to responses attentively can lead to not having boundaries respected. Without communications things get messy. However not listening to conversations, serious conversations, leads to all sorts of toxic issues. It leads to conflict. Men and women should respect boundaries, period! Listening and asking questions is certain to lead to a better understanding of each other. Only if you remember the conversations. Taking in your partner’s responses seriously, or ask again later. If you brush it off as not important, you’re creating situations where hurt, confusion, and conflict will happen. Drama appears to happen because we see our partner’s responses as overreactive.
Heartbreak isn’t an excuse for disrespecting boundaries
Heartbreak isn’t an excuse to stalk or be abusive. It isn’t an excuse to not respect boundaries! It just isn’t!
Heartbreak isn’t an excuse to be abusive, hurtful, and not having a break on your behaviors. You do not get the right by heartbreak to punish or stalk.
Heartache is often the excuse people use for their immature actions. It is not the reason. The reason is, not having breaks on your behavior.
So what happens when a woman that has self-respect for herself sees that the man is not a respectable man by his actions and words- leaves the relationship? She has the right to state boundaries! She also has the right to enforce them. We all have the right to leave a relationship for any reason. We all have those same rights to boundaries.
An honorable man respects boundaries! He might not agree with them, he might not want it, but he respects it. Everyone should.
That isn’t negotiable! Boundaries are respected by honorable men. Emotionally healthy men agree. Principled men–men that have kindness and good intentions, respect boundaries. This should be a given in society and in the law. Unfortunately, it isn’t. Our laws still are not in total support of “No” means No! We have work to do.
Men that are into power and control won’t respect those. It isn’t flattering, and it isn’t love. It’s just immature behavior.
How a lack of communication can cause drama
An example of how this can play out. The breakup happens. Unwanted advances and communications occur. She/he says don’t contact me again. She/He continues on. The police are called. The police warn him/her. He/she doesn’t respect the boundaries. He/she get arrested. He/she gets angry and tries to justify their actions and not have consequences for their actions. He/she continually ignore requests. It most likely ends up in court.
He/she then try to dig up dirt on her/him by calling the exes and asking people for dirt to use in court. They state fallacies about him/her to others, gossip, to defend their honor the honor that he/she is insisting they have but aren’t showing in their actions. What a mess, right? It is! It’s a big mess.
All of this could‘ve been avoided by respecting boundaries, paying attention to conversations, and having healthy communications and asking questions. It could have been avoided by heeding the police warning. Putting on the breaks to urges to continue. Just accepting boundaries. Boundaries we should all have. We can move on.
In an emotionally healthy person, we respect boundaries; we deal with heartbreak on our own or with help with a counselor, coach, friend, or family not lashing out with abuse or stalking. We have to own our emotions. Men are no exception. (Yes, women stalk too- same goes to them)
My advice on respecting boundaries
So my advice to men. (Men are the majority of stalkers studies show) If you are a man who wants respect. Then act like a respectable man. Mirror that to children and women. You just are respectable. Not just respectful to most, not respectful to those you admire you. Respectful! A man that is trying to cover up his behaviors will lash out at her and not own up to his lack of honor. It will be her fault.
A man that is not honorable, but wants people to believe he is- will react in a way that is desperate to cover his ass. Men that live in honor will accept it like a man, apologize, and the boundary is in place and respected. It’s very simple. It’s over.
My advice to women (Women are the most stalked studies show) is if he doesn’t show respectability by his actions, by following through, honesty and accountability, he isn’t a man of honor. Move on! If he says he will honor your request and then doesn’t, he isn’t honorable. Be aware of subtle actions that might seem innocent and out of heartbreak, but in reality are very harmful. Don’t allow heartbreak to be the excuse for lack of integrity, lack of emotional control.
Society has a lot of work to do on respect, boundaries, and freedom to choose what and how we relate. In looking at what doesn’t work, what is unhealthy and abusive, we can make changes that are for a healthier society for both men and women.
To work with me, go to my appointments page.
Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash