In all my years of dating and talking to people, there seems to be this common belief that you just start dating, and see how you feel, see how it goes. This isn’t exactly how you find the right person. It could happen that way, but it’s less likely. It’s driven by feelings and not actually traits for a healthy relationship. Our feelings are important, but they can also mislead us.

When considering if you are ready for love, assessing your relationship goals and expectations is crucial.

Here are 5 questions to ask yourself if you are ready for love.

• How well do you know yourself and your own needs?
• Have you healed from past relationship wounds or traumas?
• Are you willing to invest time and effort into building a healthy relationship?
• What are your relationship goals and expectations?
• Are you emotionally available and open to becoming vulnerable to the right person?

How well do you know yourself? 

We often think we know ourselves, but when we start to investigate it, we find that we don’t we only thought we did. It takes self-awareness to know what needs you have for a love relationship. Have you healed past wounds enough to where you are not hanging on to hope that it might rekindle? Are you still in love with your ex? Have you let go of the resentment or anger so that you can be open to being present with a new relationship?

Are you willing to invest time & effort into building a healthy relationship?

This is super important because I see it often, mostly with men, but also with some women. They are so set in their routine and lifestyle that they really aren’t leaving much time available to invest in a solid relationship. This is often due to expecting it to unfold and the person would fit into your lifestyle if it is meant to be. However, that works both ways. Each partner has to be able to invest time in the other partner’s interests, life, and friends/family. They do require effort and time.

What are your relationship goals? What emotional investment are you willing to give? Long-term, short-term? Some might not want either, which is ok, but be clear if you want long or short-term, hookups or friends with benefits. This is where self-awareness comes in. Know yourself and be honest with yourself and the person you are considering getting involved with. It keeps things clear and less dramatic.

If you want long-term, then be specific on the non-negotiables, the negotiables. Also, be clear on your ultimate desires for a relationship. One of my ultimate goals is to have a man that has a healthy lifestyle and is committed to his overall health including mental health.

Are you emotionally available and open to becoming vulnerable to the right person?

Again, when considering if you are ready for love you need to keep in mind that there is a certain amount of vulnerability in dating in general, but with the goal of it deepening in time. We don’t have to just make ourselves vulnerable, completely right from the start. We do have to be emotionally available in order to allow for more trust and vulnerability to grow. It’s important that we know if we are emotionally available for the type of relationship we want.

Have we healed past wounds enough to be able to open up to someone else emotionally? This is crucial. It’s not a time issue, it’s a processing and letting go issue. We can’t be emotionally available if we are stuffing our feelings from past relationships.

Emotional availability isn’t just talking about things, it is being open to hearing fully what the other has to say and being available to be there for them. I see so many people date that have no emotional availability listen for a bit and then off they go on to something else. They somehow feel that is being emotionally available. Emotional availability requires skill in processing, being in uncomfortable situations, and communicating with your partner.

Also, keep in mind, emotional availability needs to be reciprocal. You must also look for it in your perspective partner.