Back-burner Relationships & Micro-cheating

The Truth About Back-burner Relationships

Back burner relationships

I’m certain this article will be unpopular.

Ruffle feathers.

It calls out bullsh*t around back-burner relationships. Micro-cheating!

What is a back-burner relationship? It’s having someone in case this current one doesn’t work out.

You know you can go back to this person. You know this person is someone you can flirt with and teeter on the line with. This person might even be someone you have your moments with. Possibly a ritual, with a gathering connection, or a group of friends. This person might be whom you go to when you want to vent or discuss your relationship issues. When you haven’t discussed them with your partner. Usually, they are called friends.

These back-burner relationships give you options, and that is what they are for. When you really should discuss things with your partner, and you don’t want any conflict, it’s easier to go to someone with whom you have fewer emotional ties.

By doing so, you are bypassing intimacy. The intimacy that could grow from dealing with conflict and upping your game. Instead, though, you have a line of attractive women/men on Facebook or Instagram, even friends you can go hang with in person. They take the place of working through your sh*t.

It’s easy. They are your safety net if you fall.

We call them “friends” or we met them on online dating sites and decided to stay in touch, as an acquaintance. We have all sorts of names for them.

We now have social media to help with this avoidance behavior. We all know Facebook has been used for this purpose, but what about the growing number of other social media sites?

In this article called “Do you have anything to hide?” the evidence is growing on how social media affects our relationships:

“Social media provides one route to behaviors that may be potentially harmful to romantic relationships, such as communicating with alternative partners, which can sometimes create relationship conflict, breakups, or divorce. Limited empirical evidence exists concerning social media infidelity-related behaviors and marital relationships. This study examined whether married/cohabiting individuals are using social media sites to engage in online infidelity-related behaviors and to what extent this related to relationship satisfaction, ambivalence, and relational attachment characteristics as reported by 338 married/cohabiting individuals from 176 families. More engagement in infidelity-related behaviors on social media was significantly related to lower relationship satisfaction, higher relationship ambivalence, and greater attachment avoidance and anxiety in both women and men.”

I get it, it’s the thing to do! It’s addictive.

You might be saying, What’s wrong with having friends?

There isn’t anything wrong with having friends. It’s why you have these friends. There are issues in a situation where you use back burner relationships to avoid growing a relationship. It stays right where you want it. Not moving forward. Not deepening connection, intimacy, or maybe even in sex. It’s a surface-level relationship. It, as the article states, lowers relationship satisfaction, higher relationship ambivalence, and greater attachment avoidance and anxiety. It happens to men and women.

It’s about how we avoid intimacy or conflict by having back-burner relationships.

How does social media play a part in the avoidance and ambivalence in relationships? Social media is a candy shop! It’s the sugar high! Oh, the choices we have!

The new-age idea of having “friends” is healthy in one way and unhealthy in another. It can and often does create bypassing. We use social media to create this type of “friends.” Often subconscious, but we do. Many of us do.

I’ve had many experiences with this type of relationship mentality. Old girlfriends who would just show up at the place my boyfriend had a date planned. I’ve had a guy I was dating who just felt having many acquaintances from the dating site was normal dating behavior. The women he connected with whom he would just secretly have to help move or change a tire was normal relationship behavior. I had one have his massage therapist over for a private dinner alone at his house after we discussed this and had an agreement.

All of these were secretive, but why were they secretive?

I’ve ended relationships due to this type of behavior. Though popular, it doesn’t make it healthy. It’s covert. If one pays attention, though, one can surely see the signs. Micro-cheating.

We often take healthy things and use them to stay in our comfort zone. Which gives us an excuse to continue being inside our comfort zone. We don’t have to step out of our comfort zone because we have the excuse that we’re just friends.

Our partner can feel this. Even if there is no sexual activity. They feel the avoidance of deepening the relationship; they feel the bypassing of issues. They can feel the shallowness that happens when we have one or more on the menu. Just in case. You know a back-burner just to keep us comfortable.

Often, they see it as if everything is perfect on their end, and so it must be the person complaining who has the “trust” issues.

In this new-age role in society, it is seen as more evolved if we have “friends” as back-burner relationships. However, it’s the same issue that just has new decor and is more accessible. It’s been going on since the little black book.

It isn’t evolved at all. It’s having one in the hand and two waiting in the bush. It’s a facade.

Published December 6th, 2019

Photo by Bermix Studio

Editor: Kelsey Michal:  Elephant Journal

 

62 thoughts on “

Back-burner Relationships & Micro-cheating

The Truth About Back-burner Relationships

  1. I’m not sure where you’re getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
    Thanks for excellent info I was looking for this info for my mission.

  2. That is the very first time I frequented your web page and so far? I surprised with the research you made to make this actual publish extraordinary. Wonderful process!

  3. I am just commenting to let you be aware of what a superb encounter my daughter developed going through the blog. She came to understand too many pieces, which included what it is like to possess an incredible giving style to let the mediocre ones effortlessly gain knowledge of selected tortuous things. You undoubtedly did more than her expectations. Many thanks for churning out such warm and helpful, trustworthy, educational not to mention easy tips about the topic to Janet.

  4. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is great blog. An excellent read. I will certainly be back.

  5. Thanks for sharing your great relationship info. I really appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your further write ups thanks once again.

  6. Hello, Neat post. There is an issue you helped me with in my relationship and a huge portion of other people will omit your excellent writing because they haven’t seen your blog.

  7. I do consider all the ideas you’ve introduced in your post.
    They are very convincing and can certainly work. Still, the posts are too brief for
    newbies. Could you please extend them a little from subsequent time?
    Thanks for the post on relationships.

  8. Very well written post. It will be beneficial to anyone who has relationship issues, including me. Keep doing what you are doing – looking forward to more posts.

  9. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it抯 rare to see a great blog like this one these days..

  10. magnificent put up, very informative. I’m wondering why the opposite attract. You must proceed with your writing.
    I am confident, you have a great readers base already!

  11. Generally I don’t learn article on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to check out and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, quite nice article.

  12. Magnificent goods from you. I’ve understood your stuff
    previous too and you’re just extremely wonderful.
    I really like what you’ve built here, really like what you’re saying and the way
    in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to
    keep it sensible. I can not wait to read
    far more from you. This is really a great site.

  13. You made some decent points there. I searched on the internet for the problem and found most individuals will associate with your website. Thanks for the dating advice.

  14. Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any solutions for micro-cheaters? My last boyfriend stayed on Facebook for hours chatting with other women. I felt so hurt. What do you do? Do you give relationship advice? I’ll set up an appointment. Great article!

  15. Thanks for another great post. Where else could anybody get that kind of info in such a perfect way of explaining mirco-cheating? Perfect for my new relationship.

  16. I’m not that much of an internet reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back down the road. Cheers

  17. We are a group of volunteers who help people in relationships. We enjoyed your posts and find them helpful. We will be coming back for relationship advice.

  18. I believe that avoiding back-burner relationships is best. Thank you for the blog post. It gives me lots to think about with relationships. Great relationship Advice.

  19. God, I should definitely come back often. I’m impressed with your site. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs as well as related info ended up being truly simple to do to access great advice. I recently found what I hoped for on your site. Great Dating Coach. Thanks

  20. I’m not that much of an online reader, to be honest, but your sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back later. All the best

  21. Hola! I’ve been following your blog for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Kingwood Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the good job!

  22. whoah this blog is wonderful i love reading your posts. Keep up the great work! You know, a lot of people are looking around for this info, you could help them greatly.

  23. Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative. I’m going to watch out for relationship advice. I will be grateful if you continue this in the future. A lot of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  24. I feel this is one of the so much vital info for me. And i am happy studying your article. However wanna statement on few normal issues, The site taste is perfect, the articles is in point of fact excellent : D. Just right job, cheers

  25. Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Extremely helpful info specially the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this particular information for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

  26. I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this website Actually the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write-up is a good example of it.

  27. Normally I do not learn article on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice article.

  28. An impressive share, I simply given this onto a colleague who was doing a little analysis on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast because I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the deal with! However yeah Thnkx for spending the time to debate this, I really feel strongly about it and love reading more on this topic. If doable, as you develop into experience, would you thoughts updating your weblog with more details? It’s highly useful for me. Big thumb up for this weblog submit!

  29. Hey very cool website!! Guy .. Excellent .. Superb .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds additionally厈I am satisfied to find so many helpful info here in the submit, we’d like work out extra strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  30. My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different web address and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so now i’m following you. Look forward to finding out about your web page repeatedly.

  31. Heya just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results. Great relationship advice.

  32. My partner and I stumbled over here by a different web page and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to going over your web page for a second time.

  33. I do love the manner in which you have presented this situation plus it does give us some fodder for thought. However, coming from just what I have experienced. All the same, thank you for this exceptional piece and while I can not really agree with it in totality, I respect the viewpoint.

  34. I am not sure where you’re getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for magnificent info I was looking for this info for my mission.

  35. Thanks for another informative site. Where else could I get that type of information written in such an ideal way? I have a project that I am just now working on, and I’ve been on the look out for such info.

Leave a Reply