Honorable men respect boundaries. They just do. Heartbreak is a story we tell ourselves. In reality, it isn’t true. Be that as it may, it does not excuse not respecting boundaries. It doesn’t excuse bad behavior.
I had the unfortunate experience to be entangled in a mess of drama because of a man “not listening to our conversations of what cheating was to each of us” early on in the relationship. How not asking questions and listening to responses can lead to not have boundaries respected. Is that even so? No, it isn’t. Boundaries should be respected period. However, listening and asking questions certainly leads to a better understanding of each other.
Heartbreak isn’t an excuse to stalk or be abusive. It isn’t an excuse to not respect boundaries! It just isn’t!
So what happens when a woman that has self-respect for herself sees that the man is not a respectable man by his actions and words- leaves the relationship? She has the right to state boundaries! She also has the right to enforce them.
An honorable man respects boundaries! He might not agree with them, he might not want it, but he respects it.
That isn’t negotiable! Boundaries are respected by honorable men. Good men – men that have kindness and good intentions respect boundaries. This should be a given in society and in the law. Unfortunately, it isn’t. Our laws still are not in total support of No means No. We have work to do.
Men that are into control and power, won’t respect those. It isn’t flattering and it isn’t love.
Here is how that plays out. The police are called. The police warn him. He doesn’t respect the boundaries. He gets arrested. He is angry and trying to justify his actions and not have consequences for his actions. He continually ignores requests. It ends up in court.
He then tries to dig up dirt on her by calling her ex’s and asking people for dirt. He states fallacies about her to others to defend his honor- the honor that he is supposed to have – but doesn’t. What a mess, right? It is! All of this could have been avoided by respecting boundaries, paying attention to conversations, and having healthy communications. Asking questions! Just accepting boundaries. Boundaries we should all have.
Heartbreak isn’t an excuse to be abusive, hurtful, not having a break on your behaviors. You do not get the right by heartbreak to punish or stalk. Heartbreak was used as an excuse and often is the excuse many have for their actions. It is not.
In a healthy person, boundaries are respected, heartbreak is dealt with on our own, not lashing out with abuse. We have to own our emotions. Men are no exception. (Yes, women stalk too- same goes to them)
So my advice to men. If you are a man who wants respect. Then act like a respectable man. Mirror that to children and to women. You just are respectable. Not just respectful to most. Respectful to ex’s as well. A man that is trying to cover up his behaviors will lash out at her and not own up to his lack of honor. It will be her fault.
A man that is not honorable, but wants people to believe he is- will react in a way that is desperate to cover his ass. Men that actually do live in honor will accept it like a man, apologize and the boundary is in place and respected.
End of story! It’s very simple My advice to women is if he doesn’t show respectability by his actions – by follow-through, honesty and accountability, he isn’t a man of honor. Move on! Be aware of subtle actions that might seem innocent and out of heartbreak, but in reality are very harmful. Don’t allow heartbreak to be the excuse for lack of integrity.
Society has a lot of work to do on respect, boundaries, and freedom to choose what and how we relate. In looking at what doesn’t work, what is unhealthy and abusive, we can make changes that are for a healthier society for both men and women. #ConsciouslyAwakeCoun