In my area of the world, it is a very “Spiritual” town. I have no issue with being spiritual. I do however have an issue with the terms that create dysfunction due to the lack of critical thinking.
Trust is not a given. Unless it is that you just do not want to take the time to vet someone and see if they really are trustworthy. Trust isn’t just given when you date or even mate with someone. What it is called is just not having boundaries, ask questions, feeling it out, and communicating.
It’s like we are setting ourselves up in the beginning to fail at relationships. So when I tell a man that I’m not one to just hand out trust automatically and that trust has to be earned, shown and actions have to meet words, they often just disregard it. It’s seen as a Spritiual thing to do!
Not too long ago I was dating a man that “trust was automatic”. He and I discussed it early on and I communicated that it wasn’t like that for me. Yet time and time again, he didn’t understand why I didn’t have this solid trust in him. He wasn’t paying attention to the lies ( yes small ones count) the failed attempts to follow through on his word, and he wasn’t taking my trust as a serious matter in developing a relationship.
So when it ended and he stated that he had done everything to show I could trust him and he couldn’t understand my “trust issues”, I had to just giggle. In his mind, he had. But he was in a relationship with me – or was he? It felt like I was a past person that had trusted blindly and I was suppose to follow suit.
It’s your partner’s view on what trust means to them. He was acting as if he had been pristine in his ways to show me I could trust him, to me there was barely any trust there.
Trust is earned in a healthy relationship. If not it isn’t healthy. People in a hurry to get in a relationship will just say yeah, yeah, trust is automatic… and move on to the next topic of discussion. Rarely do they really want to address real issues that cultivate trust and a healthy foundation of a lasting relationship. Intimacy is built on trust. No trust no real intimacy.
If you are not paying attention to the marbles in the jar, the ones that are added when actions match words, then you really aren’t desiring a real relationship. Ponder it! Trust isn’t a given. #ConsciouslyAwakeCoun